Monday, November 30, 2009

Media Ignores Tiger Woods' Plea for Privacy

The Florida Highway Patrol is after Tiger Woods' medical records, according to TMZ, in order to determine if his injuries are from an auto accident or from domestic violence.

For 3 days in a row, Woods has refused to talk to the police. He and his wife Elin Nordegren continue to shun all contact with the media, leading some to suggest that the golf champion definitely has something to hide.

Over the holiday weekend, Woods issued a statement on his website in which he makes a futile plea for privacy:

This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible.

Obviously, Tiger is dreaming. The media is not going to respect anybody's privacy, at least not until the mystery is solved. Theories abound. My favorite is the one in which Tiger Woods rushed out of the house at 2:00 am to go pick up some baby aspirin for his sick child and was so distraught over his child's health that he immediately crashed into a tree. Not too many folks seem to buy that one. The most popular theory depicts Tiger fleeing from his shrew of a wife who finally gets revenge on her cheating husband by attacking his Cadillac Escalade with Tiger's very own golf club. All of this caused the infamous crash now known as Tiger's "shortest drive."

And then there's the more plausible theory that Tiger Woods is simply guilty of a DUI due to a heavy dose of prescription meds.