Equal Rites Awards of 2006 - Bush Wins 'Man-Handling Prize'
Every year Ellen Goodman celebrates Equality Day by announcing the Sexist Jerk Awards of the year, or as she prefers to call them, "the much-coveted Equal Rites Awards to those who have done their best over the past year to set back the cause of women."
It's no surprise that the First Frat Boy - George W. Bush is a 'winner' in the category of Groping Across Borders or -- winner of the Man-Handling [Sexist Jerk] Prize of the Year.
"The Man-Handling Prize for groping across borders goes to The Decider, who came up behind Angela Merkel's back and gave the horrified German chancellor a hefty massage. This 'Love Attack,' as it was described in Germany, proves that no woman is too powerful to get George as her main squeeze."
Some of the other losers, or 'winners' of the Equal Rites Awards of 2005:
The Patriarch of the Year is Utah's Judge Walter Steed, a polygamist and jurist who dispensed the law for 25 years while breaking it. We send him and his three wives a full set of "Big Love" DVDs to enjoy now that he is, uh, retired.
The Blind Justice Award is bound to those men who once ruled that a woman wearing skin-tight jeans couldn't claim rape. This year, the court ruled that sexual abuse of a teen was less serious because she wasn't a virgin. We send them, at long last, some woman to join the bench.
The International Ayatollah Award goes to Saudi Arabia, where women have long been kept out of the drivers' seats. Now King Abdullah wants them out of the newspapers as well, because publishing pictures of women could lead men astray. We send him a revised motto for the kingdom: Out of sight? Out of your mind?
Misogyny in Music Award goes -- as did the Oscar -- to that sweet song "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp." Much as we sympathize with the tribulations of the small businessman, we hope this tune hip-hops right down the road to moral bankruptcy.
The Raging Hormonal Imbalance Award -- It is headed along with a testosterone testing kit to Joe Francis, the sleaze master who made his fortune sexploiting sexhibitionists on "Girls Gone Wild." Then he went wild, slamming Los Angeles Times reporter Claire Hoffman against the hood of a car. The only new video we want to see is Francis doing a perp walk.
The Superstar in Sexism prize goes to Brett Myers, the Phillies pitcher who wasn't using a designated hitter when he was seen striking his wife -- 12 inches shorter, 120 pounds lighter -- on the streets of Boston. To him, simply, we wish a losing streak on the mound and in the courtroom.
The Male In-Security Award [goes] to the airport guard who searched Margaret Jackson and came across highly detailed designs of an airplane in her briefcase. He found it easier to believe she was a terrorist than a corporate head. As she wrote him later, "Dear Bill, this is from the chairman of Qantas, who is a woman." Here's to what they call the New Normal.
More losers . . . -- via The Dees Diversion
In a related vein, another infamous Republican Groper, Arnold Schwarzenegger, has made a politically embarassing groping lawsuit go away by settling out of court.
Equality Day Gender Politics Equal Rites Awards Feminism Ellen Goodman Sexism Misogyny Bush News Psycho President Schwarzenegger
