Billie Frist in Designer Safari Scrubs Soaks up Gorilla Testosterone and Ape Sweat in a Valiant Effort to Win the Animal Lovers' Vote.
Will PETA Make a Campaign Contribution?
"The stink of ape sweat and gorilla testosterone soaked his hair and clothes."
You'll need to check the link in order to believe it, but the Washington Post has ventured into a new genre with the never-before revealed plans of Billie Frist, Safari Surgeon, to cure AIDS or cancer, just as soon as Safari Bill has finished his Adventures as the Senate Majority Leader Failure.
"One day, he hopes to cure AIDS or cancer. He sucked on the stem of his glasses. . . "
"I gravitate towards insurmountable problems," Frist said, his long legs spilling between the front seats."
The Onion should be very worried.
The Adventures of Billie Frist: Safari Surgeon
The houses were dark on Bill Frist's street. A morning bird chirped; the others were waiting for dawn. But Frist was awake, and his bedroom light was on. "I'm going to take a shower," the Senate majority leader said brightly. Ten minutes later, the blow dryer roared.
He climbed into the back of his black SUV; his driver steered toward the zoo. "I gravitate towards insurmountable problems," Frist said, his long legs spilling between the front seats. "I try to use creative solutions." One day, he hopes to cure AIDS or cancer. He sucked on the stem of his glasses: "The typical person around here may not understand."
"There's almost a spiritual, poetic component to it," Frist said of treating Kuja. "This oneness, this wholeness. You can't compare it to the Senate floor. I immerse myself in it. This is my real life."
The stink of ape sweat and gorilla testosterone soaked his hair and clothes. "Gorillas, people, men. You look at the people here, a symphonic flow of people pitching in. It's the oneness of humanity."
At 9:30 a.m., Frist opened the Senate, gripping the corners of the lectern, as he had the operating table. Across the city, rolling in a bed of hay, Kuja opened his eyes and grunted. The gorilla kept touching his tongue to his tooth. Something had changed inside of the beast while he slept. Frist smiled and spoke unremarkably from the lectern, reeking of silverback testosterone.
Bill "Get Some Devastation in the Background" Frist has lots more Safari Surgeon photos posted over at the new Washington Post Onion.
Wonkette has: BILL FRIST — Senator by Day, Miracle-Worker by Slightly Earlier in the Day.
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