Social Security Will Kill You

Dubya, the man who sold us weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, is selling the end of Social Security in his SOTU speech, right now. The Republican side of the room is erupting with obedient applause and the obligatory standing ovations. Please let the Emperor be brief.

Back in the 1980s and 90s, right-wing don't think tanks like the Heritage Foundation laid out the plan. Welfare, Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, all of them needed to go, wrote faux scholars like Charles Murray.

When they eliminated the entitlement to a safety net for poor mothers and children, precious few of us bothered to protest. So now it's time for 'the end of social security as we know it'. Goddess help us if we stand by and let them do this.

Jesus General offers some talking points to help Bush in his quest to promote social insecurity.

1. Social Security will kill you. Nine out of ten people will die within twenty years of the time they start collecting it.

2. Social security supports terrorists. Somewhere, a member of the Weather Underground is waiting for his check to arrive so that he can buy groceries and maybe even the parts for a bomb.

3. There were social security checks on the planes that hit the World Trade Center and the Pentagon.

4. Social security has weapons of mass destruction. Sure, logic tells us that social security is a concept and is therefore incapable of possessing anything, but Ahmad Chalabi tells me it has them.

5. Social Security is trying to homosexualize our children by promoting its pansexual philosophy.

6. Yes, my efforts to sell my plan to Congress are failing. I've fired the person responsible. Donald Rumsfeld will now take over. I'm sure he'll repeat the many successes he had at the Pentagon.