Wednesday, February 10, 2010

John Edwards Asks Rielle Hunter to Marry Him

Funny, I don't remember any pundits asking if this man was qualified to be a heartbeat away from the presidency. Funny, the doors that open wide for you when you have a penis. But for her missing penis, and her morally-challenged husband, Elizabeth Edwards would have made a far superior presidential candidate even while fighting terminal cancer.

When it comes to the life of John Edwards' penis, the National Enquirer is the go-to source:

John Edwards has proposed to his mistress Rielle Hunter, and is buying a luxury $3.5 million beachfront home where they can live happily ever after with their love child, The ENQUIRER has learned exclusively.

The disgraced presidential candidate popped the question at the same time he told Rielle that he’d be issuing a press statement finally confirming he fathered her daughter Frances Quinn, close sources told The ENQUIRER.

Already people are wondering what song the Dave Matthews band will play at John Edwards and Rielle Hunter’s Wedding?