Wednesday, March 01, 2006

The War on Women: A Modest Proposal

by MzNicky

MJS at Corrente writes that, in view of recent proposals that would hand over ownership of women’s lady parts to the state, a terminology change is in order. The Jivester suggests that rather than using the negative “anti-choice” label for those who not only want to force unwanted pregnancy on all females, including rape and incest victims, but also to thwart access to emergency contraception and, yes, even the good ol’ birth control pill, we instead accentuate the positive and call this new confiscatory policy what it is: a War on Women (WOW).

May this latest US declaration of hostility be as successful as the War on Poverty, the War on Drugs, and the War on Terror have been.

In that regard, I’d like to propose that we, the majority of humans who are now equated with poverty, drugs, and terror, just go ahead and get all Lysistrata on these warriors’ asses. You remember Aristophanes’ play, the third in his “War and Peace” trilogy? The one where the women of ancient Greece decide they’ve just about had it with 20 years of warmongering and issue a moratorium on the only other thing that always seems to get the manly man’s attention?

“They meet in solemn conclave, and Lysistrata expounds her scheme, the rigorous application to husbands and lovers of a self-denying ordinance: ‘We must refrain from the male altogether.’ Every wife and mistress is to refuse all sexual favours whatsoever, till the men have come to terms of peace. In cases where the women must yield 'par force majeure,' then it is to be with an ill grace and in such a way as to afford the minimum of gratification to their partner; they are to be passive and take no more part in the amorous game than they are absolutely obliged to. By these means Lysistrata assures them they will very soon gain their end. ‘If we sit indoors prettily dressed out in our best transparent silks and prettiest gewgaws, and all nicely depilated, they will be able to deny us nothing.’ ...After no little demure, this plan of campaign is adopted, and the assembled women take a solemn oath to observe the compact faithfully. Meantime, as a precautionary measure, they seize the Acropolis, where the State treasure is kept; the old men of the city assault the doors, but are repulsed by ‘the terrible regiment’ of women. Before long the device of the bold Lysistrata proves entirely effective, Peace is concluded, and the play ends with the hilarious festivities of the Athenian and Spartan plenipotentiaries in celebration of the event.”

Yes, I know, this has been suggested before; but, as with true Christianity, has it ever really been implemented?

We’re at war here, ladies. One might call it a new kind of war. There won’t be much need for reproductive choice if there’s no reproducing, or anything else, goin’ on. Think of it as boycotting a corporation—which, really, it is not unlike— and hit ‘em where it hurts.

posted by egalia for MzNicky