I'm not sure what's going on with the local paper, but this article noting the rising number of older white women who choose to have children, but not husbands, is considerably better than what I expect from Nashville's major daily. The paper has a long track record of pinning the blame for all the ills of society on single moms. Yet here is an article that offers another point of view. I'm seriously shocked. The piece would be better still if the author delved into racial differences, but this is such a marked improvement for the Southern Baptist Times, that I won't complain too much. Kudos to author, Claudia Pinto.
I'd like to stay and post some commentary, the subject of mother-headed families is one of my interests, but I have to get some sleep, so it's up to you guys.
The Tennessean:
Statistics [in this state and the nation] show a marked increase in the number of women, particularly older white women, who are having children outside marriage. People who deal with these women and their babies say they are more affluent than in the past. . .
There is disagreement among experts about how important this is — and what it bodes for the future of these children. However, there is one trend virtually everyone agrees is good: The rate at which unmarried girls younger than 18 are having babies has dropped by more than a fourth since 1990. . .
Monica Casper, an associate professor of sociology at Vanderbilt University, sees a fundamental social shift . . "Now that white, middle-class women are doing this, it's losing its stigma," she said. "We are starting to see it as a choice and not as a problem." Having children outside marriage, she said, is "less stigmatized than it was in the 1950s, but there are still parts of the country where this is questionable. It's not a shift that we are completely comfortable with."
"It's 2006 and women in general are feeling that they don't need a man to take care of them," she said. "In the 1950s women either had to be married with children or they were considered loose women. So far, I have not run into anyone who has judged me for having this child. The stigma of a woman having to have a man is ending."
Jennifer Thompson, a Nashville lawyer, is also part of this societal trend. In 2004, she said, she had fertility testing at age 40. The results showed she had less than a 5% chance of having a child. "I was faced with the decision of having a child now or never," said Thompson, who now has a 9-month-old son. "This wouldn't have been my first option. I was waiting for a more traditional way to have a family. I'd been in some long-term relationships, but they didn't work out."
Thompson said being a single parent is "not that hard." She said being older, financially secure and well-educated helps to make her a better parent. "The baby goes with me to work," she said. "He gets constant care from me." Her only regret is that she didn't get pregnant earlier. "I would have liked to have another baby," she said. "This has been a wonderful experience."
Hollyfield, on the other hand, describes the situation as "challenging" and far from ideal. "I would have to warn anyone who thinks that just because they are financially independent they can do it on their own. I think a child needs both parents," Hollyfield said. "She needs her father there more than every other weekend. She is old enough to vocalize that to me."
Ron Haskins, a senior fellow with the Brookings Institution, an independent, nonpartisan research facility in Washington, D.C., sees much in the birth numbers he does not like. Haskins said his research shows this societal trend is "bad for children, bad for their parents and bad for society." There are always exceptions to the rule, he said, but as a group: "These children are at a disadvantage from the day they are born. They have more health problems. They have more mental health problems. They complete less years of schooling. They are more likely to commit suicide and be convicted of a crime."
It's his belief that "We need to re-stigmatize unwed births."
Wyche-Etheridge and Casper say the success of children depends on a multitude of factors, including whether they are getting additional family or social support. "The optimal environment for children is to have a two-parent household, but children who are born out of wedlock can do well," Wyche-Etheridge said. "It all depends on what kind of family and community support system is there.
"If you have a single parent working several jobs, and there is not a strong support group, then the child is at greater risk of engaging in risky behavior." Casper added: "Kids in safe, supportive, loving homes — whether they live with one parent or two — seem to do well." She and Wyche-Etheridge also note that the current divorce rate means many children conceived and born to married couples often find themselves in single-parent homes anyway. These divorce rates, Casper believes, may be scaring some people away from getting married. She cited 1997 data that show 43% of new marriages and 60% of remarriages end in divorce.
At the same time, the growing financial independence of women seems to be accelerating the trend. "People marry for a lot of reasons," Casper said. "One of the reasons women used to marry was for economic security, and now they can achieve that on their own."
While experts say gay couples aren't driving the trend, they are certainly part of it. Johnna Bailey, 35, said she believes they're a bigger piece of the pie than most people realize.
Five years ago, Bailey and her partner, Robyn, started a social club for gay families called Nashville Family Pride. There are now more than 200 families headed by gay parents on their e-mail list from Middle Tennessee.
"We want the same thing everybody else wants — a loving family," said Bailey, who has given birth to two children through artificial insemination. Ironically, Bailey said she and her partner would love to get married, but the law won't allow it. "We've been in a committed relationship for 11 years," Bailey said. "That's longer than many of our heterosexual friends have been together."
Read the whole thing (which includes local and state statistics)
Marriage Feminism Single Mothers Marriage Equality Same-sex Marriage Mother-headed Families
